What Reduces The Urge To Drink? – Monica’s Naked Life
For over two decades, moderation never worked for Monica. She finally found what reduces the urge to drink, and stayed alcohol free for good.
If you’ve been struggling with how to stop using alcohol to cope with motherhood, you’re not alone! Here’s my story and my best advice on how to find healthier ways to cope!
“Wine o’clock,” “Mom juice,” “Mommy’s little helper” – I used to use these phrases all the time. The glass of wine at the end of the day wasn’t just a drink; it was my reward for surviving another day of seemingly endless demands, tantrums, work deadlines, and the mental load that never seemed to lighten.
I remember standing in my kitchen, two young children swirling around me, work emails still pinging on my phone, dinner half-prepared, and feeling that familiar ache for 5 o’clock to arrive. The wine bottle in the fridge promised the only moment of peace I thought I’d get that day. I believed I needed that drink to transition from work-mode to mom-mode, to soften the edges of my stress, to finally relax.
What I didn’t realize then was how that nightly glass (which often became two or three) was actually making everything harder. If you’ve found yourself wondering if your relationship with alcohol is truly serving you as a mother, I understand completely – and I want to share what I’ve learned on my journey to becoming a more present, peaceful mom without the “help” of alcohol. Let’s explore how to stop using alcohol to cope with motherhood stress.
If you’re reading this while hiding in the bathroom for two minutes of peace (I’ve been there!), Here’s the short version of breaking free from using alcohol to cope with motherhood stress:
“The most valuable gift I could give my children wasn’t a buzzed mother who needed wine to tolerate them, but a present, connected mother who had healthier ways of managing life’s inevitable challenges.”
I never imagined I’d become dependent on alcohol to cope with motherhood. Before kids, I was a successful marketing executive who occasionally enjoyed wine socially. But two children in quick succession, combined with my determination to excel in both motherhood and my career, created the perfect storm.
After my second child was born, I experienced intense postpartum anxiety that I didn’t recognize at the time. The constant worry, the inability to relax, the feeling that I was failing at everything – it was overwhelming. When my doctor casually mentioned that “a glass of wine might help you relax,” it seemed like permission to self-medicate.
What started as an occasional glass quickly became a nightly ritual. The mommy wine memes on social media validated my choice: “You can’t pour from an empty cup… so fill it with wine!” Friends would text “wine time yet?” around 4 pm. Wine was positioned as the universal solution to the universal struggles of motherhood.
My wakeup call came one evening when my son said this to me when I asked him to come sit on my lap, “No, Mommy, your lips are purple and your breath smells funny.” His innocent statement was a direct hit to my heart. I realized I was modeling that the way to relax and enjoy life was with alcohol. That wasn’t the legacy I wanted to leave.
The next morning, fighting through a mild hangover while making breakfast, I couldn’t help but think about how much harder I was making things for myself. The wine that was supposed to make motherhood easier was actually making it significantly harder.
That’s when I began researching the science of alcohol and stress – and what I discovered changed everything. Not only was alcohol not helping my anxiety, but it was actively making it worse. The relief I felt was temporary, but the increased anxiety afterward was very real.
Understanding why so many mothers rely on alcohol helped me release the shame I felt and approach change with compassion instead of judgment. Here’s what I’ve learned:
Today’s mothers are often caught in an impossible situation: expected to parent with the constant presence of previous generations (who often had community support) while simultaneously achieving career success, maintaining a picture-perfect home, staying fit, and seeming effortlessly put-together.
The mental load alone is crushing. I remember trying to track everyone’s schedules, plan healthy meals, monitor developmental milestones, schedule doctor appointments, plan birthday parties, maintain friendships, advance my career, and somehow find time for self-care. It felt impossible.
A 2021 study published in JAMA Psychiatry confirmed what I was seeing anecdotally: women with children at home reported significantly higher increases in alcohol consumption during stressful periods compared to both women without children and men in general.
Once I started paying attention, I couldn’t unsee how deliberately the alcohol industry targets mothers. Wine brands create “mommy juice” labels. Gift shops sell endless merchandise with “Mama needs wine” messaging. Social media is flooded with memes about needing alcohol to tolerate children.
As I discussed in my article on mommy wine culture, this marketing doesn’t just sell a product – it sells a solution to the very real challenges of motherhood, promising relief and reward. It tells us we deserve and need this chemical coping mechanism. I totally bought into this message – and it’s no wonder why.
What makes alcohol particularly insidious as a stress-management tool is that it does provide temporary relief – that first drink really does trigger dopamine release and temporarily reduce anxiety. I wasn’t imagining that initial sense of relaxation.
But what I didn’t understand was what happened next. As alcohol metabolizes, it ultimately depletes the same neurotransmitters responsible for natural stress relief, creating a biological dependency cycle. The wine that helped me relax tonight guaranteed I’d be more anxious tomorrow – creating a problem it then promised to solve.
“The wine that promised to take the edge off today was actually sharpening the edge I would feel tomorrow. I was caught in a cycle that kept me coming back for relief from a problem alcohol itself was creating.”
Looking back, I can see clearly how my drinking affected me in ways I didn’t recognize at the time:
The most painful realization was how alcohol impacted my presence with my children. Even after just one or two glasses of wine:
As Leah shared in her Naked Life Story: “I was there, but I wasn’t really there. My kids were getting a diminished version of me almost every evening.” I felt that truth deeply.
While I thought alcohol was helping me manage stress, it was creating a host of new problems:
In Episode 650 of my podcast, I addressed a question about whether mom guilt after drinking ever truly disappears. The truth is, the guilt was a sign – my intuition trying to tell me something wasn’t right.
Jada Pinkett Smith powerfully captured this dynamic in her Red Table Talk when she said: “I was drinking to numb pain, but all I did was miss moments with my children that I can never get back.”
That hit me hard. I was using alcohol to cope with being depleted, but alcohol was further depleting me – physically, emotionally, and spiritually. The very thing I thought was helping was making everything harder.
For years, I told myself my drinking was “normal” and “under control.” I wasn’t hiding bottles or drinking in the morning, after all. But eventually, I had to face some uncomfortable truths that my drinking had crossed into problematic territory:
What I want you to know is that you don’t need to hit some dramatic rock bottom to decide alcohol isn’t serving your life as a mother. Many of us are choosing to examine our relationship with alcohol simply because we want to feel better and be more present.
The question that finally broke through my defenses wasn’t “Do I have a problem?” but rather “Is this serving me? Is alcohol making motherhood easier or harder in the long run?”
My journey didn’t begin with an experiment or a program – it began with curiosity. I literally spent a year researching everything I could about alcohol. How it affected me physically, mentally, and psychologically. I explored all of my beliefs around drinking to see if they were actually true or just cultural conditioning I’d absorbed.
I asked myself uncomfortable questions:
This period of building awareness about how alcohol was truly impacting me – not how I thought it was affecting me – was transformational. Finally, in December 2014, I hit the stop button and said I was done.
Once I made the decision to stop drinking, I experienced dramatic changes almost immediately:
This initial period showed me how much alcohol had been affecting me in ways I hadn’t even recognized. It’s why I later created The Alcohol Experiment – because I know how powerful even a short break can be for creating new awareness.
Based on my triggers, I created a personalized toolkit of alternatives:
I kept this toolkit visible – literally writing alternatives on sticky notes around the house – until new habits formed.
Breaking entrenched habits required support:
In creating The PATH, I wanted to provide others with the community support that was so essential to my own journey.
Perhaps the most powerful change was shifting my internal narrative about motherhood and coping:
Breaking free from using alcohol to cope required me to build new skills and strategies. Here are the approaches that have worked best for me and thousands of mothers I’ve worked with:
When overwhelm hits (and it still does!), the fastest way I’ve found to interrupt the stress response is through my breath. The simple practice of breathing in for a count of four, holding for seven, and exhaling for eight activates your parasympathetic nervous system within seconds.
What worked for me: When I felt the urge to pour a drink, I started pausing for three deep breaths. I’d place my hand on my heart and ask myself, “What do I really need right now?” Often, the answer wasn’t alcohol – it was rest, connection, movement, or even just permission to feel my frustration without judgment.
One reason I reached for wine was that it felt like the only “me time” in my day. I had to learn that self-care doesn’t require spa days or long bubble baths – it can happen in small moments integrated throughout your day:
One of alcohol’s most attractive features is how quickly it seems to mute difficult emotions. I had to learn healthier ways to process feelings instead of bottling them up:
When I stopped using wine to cope, I realized how isolated I’d become in my struggle. Building authentic connections became my lifeline:
Learning to set and maintain healthy boundaries transformed my experience of motherhood:
This last one was huge for me. As I discuss in Episode 430 of my podcast, many of us feel obligated to say yes to everything – volunteering at school, attending every social function, being available 24/7 for work – and then use alcohol to cope with the resulting overwhelm.
Mother’s Day used to be synonymous with mimosas and wine for me – the “reward” for my maternal labor. When I first stopped drinking, I worried holidays would feel less special. What I discovered instead was that alcohol had actually been diminishing these celebrations all along.
As I share in my guide to celebrating Mother’s Day without alcohol, the true spirit of the day isn’t about boozy brunches – it’s about recognition, appreciation, and genuine nourishment.
Here’s how I’ve reimagined Mother’s Day:
The first alcohol-free Mother’s Day felt strange – I had to push through the initial discomfort of changing a habit. But now, several years in, these new traditions feel more meaningful and leave me with beautiful memories instead of a headache.
“The best Mother’s Day gift isn’t found in a bottle – it’s found in presence, connection, and the joy of being fully awake for the beautiful moments of motherhood.”
Q: Does stopping drinking mean I can never enjoy a glass of wine again?
A: Taking a break from alcohol isn’t necessarily about forever – it’s about creating the space to make conscious choices rather than reactive ones. After exploring alcohol-free living, I found I actually prefer life without alcohol. Many women discover they either choose to remain alcohol-free because they prefer how they feel, or they develop a genuinely take-it-or-leave-it relationship with occasional drinking.
Q: Won’t my friends think I’m judging them if I stop drinking?
A: I worried about this too! The key is to focus on your personal choice without criticizing others. I used simple phrases like “I’m taking a break to focus on my sleep” or “I’m doing a health reset.” True friends support your well-being, even if it means adjusting how you socialize. And honestly, most people care far less about what’s in your glass than you might think.
Q: How do I handle Mother’s Day brunch without mimosas?
A: Plan ahead by focusing on what truly makes the day special – connection, recognition, rest, joy. I bring my favorite sparkling water with fresh fruit, or ask the server for a “mocktail” option. Having a delicious alternative ready helps bridge the awkward gap of “what do I do with my hands?” Having non-drinking allies can help, too – maybe your children can join you in a special non-alcoholic toast!
Q: How long until I stop wanting to drink to cope with stress?
A: In my experience and from thousands of mothers I’ve worked with, many report significant changes in their desire to drink after just 2-3 weeks alcohol-free. The key is simultaneously building new coping mechanisms while letting your brain chemistry reset. Be patient with yourself – healing isn’t linear, but it does happen.
Q: What if my partner still drinks?
A: This was my situation too. Open, non-accusatory communication was essential. I shared my motivations and needs without demanding my husband change his behavior. We set boundaries that worked for both of us, such as keeping alcohol out of certain spaces. Many partners become surprisingly supportive once they understand this is about your well-being and see the positive changes that result.
The journey to stop using alcohol as a coping mechanism for motherhood stress isn’t about deprivation – it’s about liberation. It’s about reclaiming your natural ability to handle difficult emotions, celebrate joys, and be fully present for the life you’ve created.
This Mother’s Day, consider giving yourself the gift of exploration through The Alcohol Experiment – just 30 days to discover what might be possible when alcohol no longer serves as your stress management strategy.
I won’t promise it will always be easy – motherhood itself isn’t easy. But I can promise you this: being fully present, even for the hard moments, is infinitely more rewarding than numbing your way through them.
The mother you already are – beneath the stress, beneath the conditioning that tells you that you need alcohol to cope – is more than enough. She’s actually extraordinary.
Is alcohol affecting your motherhood more than you’d like? Join me and thousands of other mothers who have transformed their relationship with alcohol through The Alcohol Experiment – a free 30-day exploration that will change how you think about drinking.
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For over two decades, moderation never worked for Monica. She finally found what reduces the urge to drink, and stayed alcohol free for good.
For over two decades, moderation never worked for Monica. She finally found what reduces the urge to drink, and stayed alcohol free for good.
