How Honest Can You Be? | Alcohol Freedom Coaching | EP 941
“You either drink, or you don’t,” Kelly’s husband actually said to her. If only it were that simple, like there’s a switch you can just flick and the desire to drink evap...
Learning how to stop feeling left out when you quit drinking starts, for Brenda, with a very specific list: people who can supposedly drink like it’s nothing, and never seem to pay for it. Kate’s experience looks different: a friend in recovery who stopped getting invited to things, and a dinner this weekend she’s already rehearsing lines for. Listen as our coaches help Brenda and Kate separate fact from fiction and learn why regular drinkers don’t exist.
Ready to take the next step on your journey? Explore free resources, programs, social links, and more at learn.thisnakedmind.com/podcast-resources. You’ll also find information about The Path and how coaching can support your goals. Plus, if you have your own Naked Life story, you can submit it there. Until next week, stay curious.
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“It’s not fair that they can be regular drinkers,” Brenda tells Coach Zoe. She’s five days alcohol-free, down almost four pounds, and feeling more like herself than she has in years. She’s also angry. Not at herself. At everyone who seems to drink without paying for it.
Coach Zoe asks her to sit with that belief instead of arguing with it. Brenda says the feeling is left out. Her shoulders round forward. Her throat goes tight. She’s been drinking daily for fourteen years, with one week off during COVID. Her husband still drinks several nights a week, and she watches him do it from outside the thing she used to be part of.
“It’s not fair that they can be regular drinkers, and I know there’s not really such a thing, but they don’t have such a problem with it.”
“I have a fifteen-year-old son, and he just hates it when I drink,” Brenda says, and stops to cry mid-sentence. He hides in his room when she’s been drinking. Her own father did the same thing to her, decades ago. She swore she’d never become him.
Kids of parents with an alcohol use disorder are about four times more likely to develop a drinking problem themselves, according to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism. Brenda calls the people she envies “regular drinkers.” She admits, in almost the same breath, that there’s no such thing. Annie Grace takes on that exact question in EP 400.ked her. “Because it sounds like who he was, his essence, his stability for you, that anchor, is what comes to mind. That’s all still there.”
Kate is in week three of a break from alcohol. It’s going well. She’s sleeping better and made it to a seven o’clock yoga class she never would have gone to before. But she’s got a dinner this weekend, with a band, and she’s anxious about it.
“It’s not that I can’t go and not drink,” she tells Coach Hayley. “I’ve done that.” She’s afraid of something smaller. A friend of hers is in recovery, and he doesn’t get invited to things anymore. Kate is afraid she’s next.
“I feel like he’s not included in certain things, because I don’t know if people have made a decision that it would be too triggering for him.”
Coach Hayley asks where the anxiety comes from. Kate remembers a weekend when friends visited. Her husband has IBS and mostly doesn’t drink. The friends quietly agreed among themselves to slip away for a drink so he wouldn’t feel singled out. “Come on now,” Kate says, remembering it. “You feel like you need to sneak off to get a drink?”
People routinely overestimate how much others drink, and how much they’ll be judged for not drinking, according to research covered in This Naked Mind’s guide to social pressure. Kate is carrying her own version of that into Saturday’s dinner.
Coach Zoe Ewart is a Certified Naked Mind Senior Coach who brings her experience and understanding to help with the tricky parts of life’s big changes. Her coaching gives you an enjoyable, light-hearted, and safe environment to effortlessly take back control of alcohol so you can feel better physically, mentally, and spiritually. Zoe taught Pilates for 15 years. She has four adult children and more animals than the Ark ever had.
Learn more about Coach Zoe: https://thisnakedmind.com/coach/zoe-ewart/
Hayley Scherders is a certified TNM Coach with training from the Canadian Addiction and Mental Health Association. Drawing from personal experiences, Hayley understands how tough change can be and provides a safe, compassionate, and judgment-free space where her clients can feel supported. She believes that with the right mindset, anyone can change their life at any time.
Learn more about Coach Hayley: https://thisnakedmind.com/coach/hayley-scherders/
Episode links:
nakedmindpath.com
Drinking Less in Wine Country | Alcohol Freedom Coaching | EP 740 – https://thisnakedmind.com/drinking-less-in-wine-country-alcohol-freedom-coaching-ep-740/
Happy Hours, Lonely Nights | Brian’s Naked Life | EP 777 – https://thisnakedmind.com/being-fully-present-alcohol-free-e777/
Are There Normal Drinkers? | Reader Question | EP 400 – https://thisnakedmind.com/ep-400-reader-question-are-there-normal-drinkers/
A: Start by checking whether the story is even true. Brenda was certain the people around her were regular drinkers who didn’t have a problem. Her coach asked her to test that belief, and she realized she had no real evidence for it. You probably don’t either.
A: Belonging is a hardwired need. Coach Zoe walks Brenda through why isolation feels physically unsafe to the nervous system, tracing back to a time when being cast out of the group genuinely threatened survival. Understanding why the fear shows up doesn’t make it disappear, but it does make it easier to work with instead of against.
A: You don’t owe anyone an explanation. Coach Hayley offers Kate several options, from a simple “this isn’t agreeing with me right now” to ordering a non-alcoholic drink instead of announcing what you’re not having. The through-line in all of them: your reasons are reason enough, whether or not you ever say them out loud.
A: Kate names it directly in her session: a mix of self-consciousness and stigma, the sense that not drinking gets read as a confession rather than a choice. Coach Hayley reframes it as the opposite of what it feels like: recognizing something isn’t working for you and doing something about it is empowering, not shameful.
A: This Naked Mind’s approach is built on Affective Liminal Psychology (ALP), a framework created by founder and This Naked Mind author Annie Grace that works by addressing the emotional roots of drinking rather than relying on willpower, labels, or restriction. You can learn more about the methodology at Affective Liminal Psychology.
A: The Path is This Naked Mind’s year-long coaching program. Both coaches featured in this episode are trained through the program’s certification standards: Coach Zoe holds Certified Naked Mind Senior Coach status, and Coach Hayley trained through the Canadian Addiction and Mental Health Association (CAMHA) toward her ALPC certification. Learn more about The Path at nakedmindpath.com.
Did This Naked Mind, The Path, or The Alcohol Experiment help you find freedom from drinking? Share your story (you can remain anonymous!) and you could be featured on an episode of This Naked Mind Podcast to inspire others.
Special music thank you to the Kevin MacLeod Funkorama (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
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This Naked Mind was founded by bestselling author Annie Grace, whose book This Naked Mind: Control Alcohol, Find Freedom, Discover Happiness & Change Your Life has helped hundreds of thousands of people around the world change their relationship with alcohol — without shame, without rules, and without feeling like something is wrong with them.
This Naked Mind’s approach is rooted in neuroscience, psychology, and the lived experience of real people who’ve been exactly where you are. The podcast, the books, The Alcohol Experiment, and The Path program all operate from the same core belief: that you are not broken, and that lasting change comes from understanding — not willpower.
Whether you’re curious about alcohol, trying to figure out how to stop drinking, or looking for a way to finally feel at home in your own life, This Naked Mind meets you where you are.
