Trigger warning: This story mentions thoughts of not wanting to be alive.
LaCinda joined The Path hopeful, but scared it would be one more thing that didn’t stick. Hear how learning self-compassion helped alcohol become small and irrelevant in her life, and what freedom means to her now.
How do you stop beating yourself up about drinking? LaCinda was hard on herself for years before she learned how. She grew up in a strict, religious home, found what felt like freedom drinking in college, and later drank every night in a marriage that had lost its connection. After her divorce, she came across Annie Grace and joined The Path. In this conversation with Coach Cole, she talks about learning self-compassion, her last drink, and the connection she feels now with the people in her life.
“Alcohol served its purpose, but it’s not my friend.”
I grew up in a fairly strict family. Very religious. Alcohol was not completely villainized, but it also wasn’t encouraged at all. There was wine for certain special moments at church. Neither of my parents drank. We were told we were not allowed to drink. I did get a few opportunities in high school, but it was still sneaking it. It was not the thing to do.
And then I got to college, and I went a little crazy. It was total freedom. I felt like, you can’t tell me what to do anymore. I can make all these decisions, I can do any damn thing I want, and screw you guys, because this is my life. I’m an adult now, and I get to do whatever I want.
The funny part is, though, that what I perceived as connection in college, I didn’t really connect with them. We were doing the same thing, and that felt like I was part of the group, because we’re all there drinking and partying, but I didn’t ever actually get to true connection at that point, because I was too drunk, they’re too drunk. So it felt like I was connecting, but I wasn’t, actually, in hindsight now.
When I was in my mid-20s, I met who would become my husband. Alcohol was a very big part of his life as well. His family, uncles, it’s just a big drinking culture. That’s just what we did. And so I just dove headfirst right in there. I’m adulting now, so let’s do this. This is how we connect, this is how we have fun.
Fast forward a few years, we’ve had a couple kids, we’re still functioning fine in society, we’re using alcohol to relax and connect. That’s just life. Didn’t even think about it.
The kids graduate, and then my husband and I have lost connection over the years. I find myself drinking more and more. Every night. That’s just what we do. We get home from our separate activities, and we drink, and look at the phone, look at the TV, whatever. No connection. It was a pretty painful time.
And then I was like, okay. This is getting really bad. I got to the point where I even was like, why am I here? There’s not really much point to me being in this life.
And then I thought, well, I’ll just cut back. So I tried. I’d manage a day here, there, or maybe two days, and then something would happen, and I’d be right back in it. Be like, okay, get me a drink. I never knew enough to ask, why am I doing this? It’s just what I did if things got too intense, or too painful. Or too great, or too anything.
My husband and I got a divorce. And I began this journey of self-discovery, self-growth.
During this journey, I ran across Tony Robbins, and then it was the first part of July in 2025, and I ran across Annie Grace. I can’t remember now if I did the 5-day challenge, or if it was a virtual weekend workshop. Either way, it was one of those, and something in that just spoke to me, and I was like, what if this could work? What if I could actually kick this alcohol thing?
Annie Grace brought to my attention that maybe there’s a different way. Maybe alcohol doesn’t have to take all the space in my head, and my brain, and my life. And I was just like, wow! I think I’m gonna do this.
I was cautiously optimistic at the time. Because I did have that little voice saying, why would this work when other things haven’t? But there was that little glimmer, that little, but what if? If this does work, what could this mean for my life?
I looked at my August 1st journal entry. And it said: Today is the first day of The Path. I’m hopeful, excited, curious, anxious, but overall at peace and feel aligned with my decision to pursue AF Living. My biggest fear is that I will do great at first, but not actually achieve a base change that results in alcohol actually being small and insignificant in my life.
The last time I drank was September 7th, Labor Day weekend, 2025. I was still in the pause. So I mindfully chose to drink that weekend. We were watching the football game, having some drinks, because I was still thinking I could maybe moderate. So I had some, and then I had some more, and I thought I was pacing myself well. And then I found myself in the bedroom with one of my friends, and I’m crying, and I’m going on and on about, I don’t know even what.
I woke up feeling like crap again, remembering I had been crying, not having a clue what I had been so unhappy and upset about, but remembering the feeling of that deep despair, and feeling a little of that self-loathing again. It’s just like, what am I doing? I am done. I’m done with this. For me, that was it.
For me, the thoughts still come up sometimes. And that’s okay, it’s just a thought. It’s not my instruction to go do that. And I choose not to.
I’ve heard the term, but it didn’t click for me until those first few weeks on The Path, when that was such a big beginning thing. You’ve got to have that self-compassion. And once I tuned into that and actually heard that message and started internalizing it and showing myself a little of that, I was like, wow, this stuff might actually work. And all it is, is a switch in my brain and an understanding, and to have that repeated all the way through the year. It was getting cemented in.
I think when I realized it was probably during a coaching call. Someone was speaking who I really related to. She was basically hating on herself: why did I do this again? I know better, but I did it again. And then to just be reminded, hey, you know what? Take a step back, take a breath. You’re okay. This beating up yourself is not productive. Let’s just do a little love. What do you need? Okay, I need a hug. All right, give yourself a hug. That’s all it takes, just as simple. Put your hand on your heart. Just feel yourself. What am I feeling?
And when I started, actually, just stop putting all this meaning and labels on everything, and just stop, and just feel it, and let it be, instead of trying to push it off. Just say, okay, yes, I’m feeling angry. Okay. Oh, wait, there’s some sadness there, too. Huh. Yeah, okay. It’s okay. I’m still here, I’m still with me. I got me. Here I am, I got you, I got you, LaCinda.
I know now I was drinking in the past because I did not know how to accept my feelings. I did not know how to feel, and just let myself feel, and give myself what I needed, and so I was just numbing everything. I can’t even say how incredibly grateful I am to have been able to learn self-compassion and switch to self-compassion from the self-loathing that I was experiencing before. I was just so hard on myself, and that doesn’t get us anywhere.
I can truly say today that alcohol is small and irrelevant. I was just like, wow, this actually did work. Now, looking back a year later, I can’t believe how small and insignificant and irrelevant. I don’t think about how much beer I have in the fridge, or where am I going to get my next one, or do I have a safe way to get home, or what did I say to somebody. All of this chatter and chaos in my head is gone, because I don’t have any of that to think about anymore. I know I’m clear, and I can be present and connect. I’ve been able to connect with people in my life on a much deeper level.
Alcohol was just this huge wall between me and anyone else, really. But to be able to clear that wall away? Wow.
Freedom back then was more of a selfish, I can do what I want, and you can’t tell me no idea. Now, freedom is freedom to really be myself, to really feel all of the emotions, and not have to suppress stuff or cover. Learning to trust myself, learning to love myself, which in turn, the freedom part is that now I can give it.
You don’t have to let alcohol steal so much from your life. You can kick that to the curb and let your life come back together again, or come together for the first time. Alcohol served its purpose, but it’s not my friend.
LaCinda didn’t need to know how her story would end before she took the first step. If her “what if?” sounds a lot like yours, The Path is a good place to start exploring it.
If you’ve tried to cut back and keep ending up right back where you started, this free guide is a good place to begin.
If you may be physically dependent on alcohol, please speak with a medical professional before cutting back or stopping.
Did This Naked Mind, The Path, or The Alcohol Experiment help you find freedom from drinking? Share your story and you could be featured on an episode of This Naked Mind Podcast to inspire others.
Cole Harvey is a Certified Naked Mind Senior Coach. For years, he felt lost and used alcohol to cope, until he decided to go alcohol-free and focus on finding his purpose. Through curiosity, self-compassion, and adventure, he transformed his life. As a habit change and mindset coach, Cole helps young men understand themselves, build better habits, and find meaning.
Learn more about Coach Cole: https://thisnakedmind.com/coach/cole-harvey/
Special music thank you to the Kevin MacLeod Funkorama (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License
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