Using Alcohol to Cope With PTSD – Del’s Naked Life
Del spent years as a Glasgow detective using alcohol to cope with PTSD. Limiting failed, and so did quitting, until he educated himself about alcohol....
When I first made the choice to stop drinking and start talking about it, I often heard from friends and family, “Oh, I had no idea it had gotten so bad for you.”
Or, “I can’t even imagine what you’re going through!” Those responses I could live with. They were coming from a great and genuine place of love. I felt no judgment or guilt from them.
In fact, hearing this from my loved ones really bolstered me and helped encourage me in my choice.
That’s why it was so devastating to me the first time a friend reacted with, “Well it sucks to be you! I could never imagine not drinking or hanging out with someone who doesn’t drink. How boring!”
I was crushed. The pity and disdain in her words were so unexpected and made me question if I was even making the right choice. Was I ostracizing myself? Was this what everyone was secretly thinking? Had I just set myself up for a life of being a social pariah? Why would anyone pity me for wanting to take control of a situation that was hurting me?
Sympathy and pity look and feel very different from each other. You see, sympathy is the idea of “I can see that you’re having a hard time and I’m here for you.” It is delivered without judgment or disdain. Pity, on the other hand, is a feeling of discomfort at the distress of someone else. It’s that feeling of wanting to walk across the street when you encounter that individual lest you catch what it is they have.
Luckily, I had incredible support at home. Although it wasn’t in a way you would traditionally call a support system. My husband basically said, “Look, this is your thing. I’m never going to stop drinking. I have no intention of stopping drinking. If you want to do this that’s great and I’m here for you, but I have no expectations or rules for you.”
Wait, what? I can do this however I want to and you’re going to love me anyway? I can fail miserably, fall flat on my face and that’s okay?
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