Vivian decided she was a lost cause. Having read two books on the subject already, she just knew it – “There’s no stopping my addiction to alcohol.” This Naked Mind showed her differently and she’s now embracing a naked life – alcohol free!
Addiction To Alcohol
I will take your advice and start ALLLL the way back at the beginning. My grandfathers both suffered through addiction to alcohol. My mother, father and 2 of my 3 uncles also found themselves fighting an addiction to alcohol. I grew up with my dad and brother and hated how my dad was when he was drunk. Seeing how many people in the family were addicted, I was leery of booze.
Introduction to Addiction
I tried alcohol at 12 (Southern Comfort and Everclear). It burned my mouth and chest and made me want to spit it out. I think because I was so young, I didn’t even feel drunk. My thought then was “I won’t endure this disgustingness for no side effect”. I didn’t understand why people liked drinking. I smoked weed and cigarettes and fought an addiction to sugar and caffeine. I’m 33 years old now, and I’d say that most of my life I have been addicted to something. (I have since quit weed, cigarettes, and sugar.)
When I turned 21, I went to a hookah lounge and only had 2 beers. Again, I was afraid to get drunk (thinking I was predisposed to the “alcoholic gene”), but that didn’t keep me away forever. Around 24 I started to deal with some emotional issues, mainly dealing with my mom not being in my life. I relapsed into self mutilation (something I did as a preteen and teen) and began to throw alcohol into the mix. It was really a dark time in my life and now I know I made it far more painful by not being in the moment.
Moving from Chicago to Pittsburgh and working a stressful job that I didn’t enjoy combined with a stressful living situation, found me drinking more and more wine. I put on 20 lbs because of my evening drinking. Next, I moved to California and at 27 I found out I was pregnant. Stopping drinking was easy at that time (because I was doing it for someone else who was directly affected by my choices). Drinking didn’t really cross my mind until my daughter was about 6 months old.
I then began to have a vodka with flavored water with dinner (I started to cut out sugar so I gave up wine). Quickly, that became 2 drinks almost every night – then 3. Losing my grandma (who was like my mother) led me to drink each night and cry until I broke blood vessels under my eyes. In retrospect, I was pretty pitiful. Not long after, I moved back to Pittsburgh and shortly thereafter got pregnant a second time. Again, I was able to stop drinking, but this time I missed getting drunk every night. I couldn’t wait for my 2nd daughter to wean so I could start drinking again. Once she did, I immediately was doing the same old thing.
That summer we had a BBQ at my husband’s boss’ house. I knew the boss didn’t drink so I “pregamed” at home. I arrived totally hammered. (And managed to find some booze at the party too.) I kept saying unpopular political opinions and repeating myself. If I’m being honest, I could almost tell I was being annoying but I didn’t care. In fact, I asked my husband to stop at the liquor store on the way home (I don’t really remember anything after getting into the car). I then came home and passed out on the family room floor. I woke up at 2 am and couldn’t find my purse or cell phone and couldn’t remember anything to trace back my steps. When my husband told me I passed out on the floor, I was mortified.
Stopping My Addiction To Alcohol
Thankfully my kids were young enough they probably won’t remember, but I couldn’t live with myself being this kind of parent. So this was kind of my ‘rock bottom’, if you will. I cut back, but on my 2nd daughter’s 1st birthday I had a few too many. The next morning I was embarrassed that I felt the need to be drunk at such an important event. I read Allan Carr’s Easy Way and was sober for 11 months. Giving in to “just one drink” on my birthday, I very slowly descended back into old habits. Then I read Rational Recovery about 6 months later (stayed sober about 2 months). I hung onto the words in one chapter, where he said if you weren’t ready he would wait, and I used that as an out to keep drinking, saying I would come back to it later “when I was ready”.
Currently I eat healthy, take vitamins, detox with apple cider vinegar, do yoga every day, walk every day and run a couple times a week. I would throw away all my healthy effort every night and drink vodka. I was smart enough to know I shouldn’t. I would keep a health journal and try to restrict or monitor myself. It never helped. I felt stupid when I couldn’t say no to myself and I felt crabby when I abstained. I knew I was physically and emotionally addicted.
Can’t Stop My Addiction To Alcohol
Reading all the horrible things that happen to your body and how even detoxing for 30 days was tremendously helpful in your body getting itself back to normal, I still couldn’t stop my addiction to alcohol. When I would become too drunk and was ready to pass out on the couch or in bed, I would put what drink I had left into the fridge to save it for later. In the morning when I went to make breakfast, I would open the fridge and smell it in there. At that moment it was like I made myself a promise to drink again that night. No matter what the sober me wanted at that moment.
Am I An Alcoholic?
One Saturday I drank my “leftover” drink at 2pm. My husband came by and smelled the glass and was shocked that I was already drinking. I called him out on being worried about me and he shocked me by saying – “Yeah I am, some people really have a problem with alcohol.” I tried to laugh it off, but I was ashamed of myself that I was no longer hiding my problem. I couldn’t keep doing this. That was about 2 months ago.
Concerned that you might have a problem with drinking? Think you might have an addiction to alcohol? This free guide can help you.
Time To Stop
For almost my entire relationship with alcohol, my husband always said I “wasn’t that bad”. I believe he was coming from a place of love, but alcohol never meant to him what it meant to me. I knew I needed to stop. It was time to stop. I was becoming tired of not remembering much after dinner time. Or slurring words as I read a bedtime story. I didn’t want to become the alcoholic parent that I myself didn’t like. I also felt like I couldn’t be saved because I had previously read two books on a logical approach to quitting (and briefly abstained from alcohol). I felt like if that didn’t work on me, I was doomed.
Searching How To Stop My Addiction To Alcohol
Nevertheless, I took to the internet and searched similar types of books and found yours. I am glad I did. I quit drinking before the book was over. When I finished the book I did a healing visual meditative exercise to kick my alcohol monster out of my mind. I cried when it was over. I am not sure how, but you broke down my walls and got to a place where it all just fit! Most of all, I also loved how you said that it will be a process to learn to continue to block out the subliminal messages that alcohol is good/pleasurable/fun/ect. I think maybe I didn’t get that message when I first tried to quit.
I truly feel like I am free from my alcohol chains and it’s so beautiful. I will now be the best mom and wife I can be.
I’m only 3 days into detox, but feel so confident. Truly, I can’t thank you enough for helping me get myself and my life back.
Share Your Story
Did you use This Naked Mind or The Alcohol Experiment to overcome an addiction to alcohol? Please share your story and help others!