David has faced a lifetime struggle with alcohol. He felt as if he could never break free from it until he discovered This Naked Mind. With that, he also discovered freedom from alcohol and the end of his lifetime struggle with alcohol.
A Lifetime Struggle with Alcohol
I am a 42-year-old male from the UK. My relationship with alcohol has been a lifetime struggle. When I was born I was placed in foster care until I was 6 months old. Then I was adopted by 2 parents who have always been there for me. Yet, they have never really given me the emotional support I have craved and needed throughout my life. It’s actually not their fault. They just don’t possess the tools and skills to provide the service I required growing up. It doesn’t change the love that is there. I have battled my whole life with being adopted, never knowing where I came from, and being so different from my parents who brought me up. I felt lost and hurt wondering why I was given up. Along with this came anger and self-worth issues.
The Drinking Begins
I started drinking when I was around 14 years old. Stealing the odd drink from the cupboard in the family home. I never liked the taste and would take all sorts of different drinks to try and find one I would like. When I was 16, I remember once taking a whole bottle of port along with a pack of cigars and drinking/smoking the majority of them. This resulted in 2 things.
Firstly, I got blind drunk. I was violently sick and had to be collected by my unaware father. He was horrified at the state I was in. The second thing that happened is I have never been able to drink port or smoke cigars ever again since that early experience.
Becoming a Social Drinker
After my teens, I started the usual social drinking. Going out with university friends, getting trashed on the weekends. I remember thinking how much fun it was! In reality, 9 times out of 10 ended in arguments between friends or doing stupid things that gave huge anxiety and self-loathing the next day.
I was drinking 3/4 times a week but I also suffered from huge anxiety/depression/panic attacks. At the time medication was a daily routine for them. I hadn’t even questioned alcohol and its role in causing me more anxiety and depression. I was too busy having fun with my friends. A lot of highs but also a lot of very low lows.
Pushing Through The Pain
Once I got into my 30s, the hangovers became unbearable. Still, I forced myself to push through the pain. After all, the only real thing I enjoyed was going out with friends and getting blind drunk. The next day always feeling awful and to make myself feel slightly human going out for a breakfast. Really just an excuse to go out and have a Bloody Mary and then four or five pints until I was feeling good again. This prolonged my hangover agony to another day. Although it would be 10 times worse and last 2 days longer. During those two days, I would be very depressed, with a lot of self-loathing and loneliness.
Alcohol to Escape
From the age of 19/20 years old, I had used alcohol as a way of escaping my life and thoughts. I used to self-destruct when I had family gatherings, for birthdays or anniversaries, I would drink heavily the day/night before and then would turn up to these events looking and feeling awful.
My alcohol intake reached a staggering proportion. I would go to the shops for groceries to cook for my partner and would buy wine for the meal. I would also buy beers to drink in the car on the way home. Ridiculous! In the house, I would have a secret stash of alcohol and once the meal was over and my partner had gone to bed I would crack that open and drink to oblivion. This usually resulted in getting very upset about life and then passing out.
I have lost three out of four relationships due to heavy drinking and making bad decisions whilst under the influence of alcohol. My current partner of 5 years has seen me in some right states attempting my own life on several occasions. These suicide attempts have all come as a result of drinking alcohol and taking drugs. I hit rock bottom on a few occasions wanting to check out of this life and stop the pain I felt.
Needing to End the Lifetime Struggle with Alcohol
I started to self-analyze in my early 40s up to the present day. My adoption has had a huge impact on my life and I have used alcohol as a way of numbing all of the pain/loss/rejection I feel/felt. I read the amazing This Naked Mind and it really resonated with me. I have decided that alcohol is not my friend. It is not my companion at late o’clock on my own drinking until I am rendered incoherent resulting in two days of feeling shit. I have taken back my life from the clutches of alcohol and have chosen to walk down an unfamiliar path of zero booze.
Is it Time to End Your Lifetime Struggle with Alcohol
Have you had enough of your battles with the booze? Start reading This Naked Mind for free now and learn how you can take back control!
My New Path
I have to say although this path is unfamiliar which can be quite scary and daunting, every corner I go around I see something amazing. I have spent so much more time on this path with friends and family than I ever did on the other path. On this path, I actually like myself. I have a very long way to go and sometimes I do have triggers, especially around certain friends. This Naked Mind has made me think consciously about the end game. Where this path leads, and I want the path that leads to self-worth, happiness, and health. To that, I say Amen Amen Amen. (In my best Matthew McConaughey voice)
Share Your Story
Did David inspire and encourage you with the story of ending his lifetime struggle with alcohol? Has a podcast, The Alcohol Experiment, The PATH, or another TNM program had the same impact on your life? Share your story and encourage others to find their freedom! Learn how here!