Paul thought he was helpless without alcohol. He felt that alcohol held the key to his creativity and passion. He got Naked and realized nothing could be further from the truth!
For years, alcohol has been the one constant in my life. I don’t remember much about my first drink, but I do remember feeling awful and the world spinning! At 13 or 14 I hated it at first, but I soldiered on through the sickness it induced and the horrible feeling of losing control. Eventually I became a good drinker and as the years passed I became a master.
Suffering from depression during my teenage years, I always found that alcohol helped. I was very shy and uncertain and, once again, alcohol helped. I’ve always loved art and studied it at degree level, eventually forging a career as an art teacher. I love playing the guitar as well and always found that alcohol ‘helped’ my creativity.
Making Myself Sick
When studying for my degree, I was hospitalized twice. Both times alcohol was involved. The first time was on my 21st birthday. I drank copious amounts of something called a Depth Charger (large glass of beer followed by a whiskey). I remember standing up from the table surrounded by friends and then I passed out, apparently landing on the table. When I awoke, I was in the hospital having had my stomach pumped. The second time I was hospitalized, I drank in order to give me the courage to take my own life.
Helpless Without Alcohol
Somehow I passed my degree (first class honours!?), got my job, and met the woman I love and eventually married. The alcohol remained a problem, although now it was no longer something that ‘helped’ my creativity or my depression. In fact, I was no longer creative or happy in any way. I was unable to do anything without alcohol, but alcohol stopped me from doing anything at all. Twice, it had almost taken my life and now it was slowly destroying me and hurting the people around me. Yet I felt helpless without alcohol.
I tried many times to stop but, as This Naked Mind points out, I hit alcohol even harder when I relapsed, making up for lost time. Eventually I could drink so much I barely noticed its effect, moving from beer to spirits to get the effect I wanted. My wife and I had our first child two years ago. One day she came home to find me drunk and in charge of our daughter. I hadn’t even realized I was so drunk or that it was so clear to her. That is when I started hiding the booze – drinking it behind my wife’s back whenever I could. I tried AA and NA (Narcotics Annonymous) but I felt the whole experience was not what I needed. I knew I needed help, but where would I find it?
Eventually my wife said I needed help. I had already decided that I wanted to stop or cut back, but this time I had already found This Naked Mind and another book, The Easy Way To Control Alcohol. No longer did I want to feel helpless without alcohol. I had, once again, stopped drinking a few days before I read either book. As I read This Naked Mind, I realized this time was different. I read things I didn’t realize were true in relation to alcohol. I read things that made me realize how much social conditioning had played a part in my addiction to this awful drug. Most importantly, I realized I wasn’t giving something up, but choosing to rid myself of my addiction to a truly devastating drug. Maybe I wasn’t helpless without alcohol.
Do you feel helpless without alcohol?. Start reading This Naked Mind today to see how to take control!
I’ve been sober for about a month now (I have no idea how long exactly, as I haven’t been keeping tabs!) and my life feels like it is now my own. I am not controlled by a craving for something that ‘helped’ me; I am controlled by my complete lack of desire for a poison. Every day I wake up and feel stronger than I did the day before. Every day I see my daughter and pay attention to her. I’m engaging with her the way a father should and no longer looking at her through the mist of alcohol. Every day I look at my wife and feel how much I love her and our life, free from the desire for alcohol.
This Naked Mind has opened my eyes to what my mind can accomplish. I no longer feel alone in a world where everyone else that drinks seems to have a control that I never had. No, I am now one of many thousands of people who have realized that alcohol doesn’t ‘help’ anyone and like them, I refuse to be controlled by it.
Thank you, Annie, for opening my eyes.
Share Your Story
Never again will I feel helpless without alcohol and I hope by sharing my stories, no one else will either. Please share your story to help others!