Scott Stabile has a very traumatic past and yet has made it his mission in life to “spread as much love as possible” and is doing just that with his social media presence and his writing. He is the author of Big Love, a book that is made up of a collection of his personal essays where he shares how he overcame everything by focusing on Love. In this beautifully honest interview, Scott and Annie discuss the profound impact of simply loving ourselves.
Today, I have Scott Stabile, and he is the author of Big Love. Scott, I’m really glad to have you here. I really love your work. There are so many of your quotes worked their way around the internet ether that have really profoundly touched me and my life. I mean, I don’t know, it’s just really an honor, so thank you for joining me.
What is the work that I’m doing? I guess, essentially, I’m writing. That’s what I’m doing, and I’m doing some speaking. I do a lot of live videos on Facebook and have grown a pretty large social media community. I think in great part because I’m a big love advocate. Someone referred to me as a love activist, and I absolutely love that title. That’s really what I believe myself to be. Someone who’s out here making a whole lot of noise for love and the power of love in our lives to create really important, necessary change in every way possible. For ourselves, in the relationships we have with others, and in our world, in general.
About six years ago, I started a Facebook page, and started writing about the topics that mean the most to me. Compassion, and kindness, and love, and the page started to grow. Well, it was a page that’s a page of positivity, you know? I called it a Pollyanna’s paradise. You would tune in to something that I posted, and it would just be this, “Everything’s beautiful, and you’re gorgeous,” really uplifting posts, a lot of sunshine. At one point, a woman commented on one of my posts, and she said, “You know, Scott, not everybody is as happy as you are all the time. Some of us are really struggling out here.”
It was a defining moment in my page. It made me look at what I was sharing and what I was choosing to share. The mission of the page was to be just a jolt of positivity to send someone on their way. I realized, for this woman, she had walked away from the experience completely differently. Instead of being uplifted, she came away feeling less than.
Not All Rainbows and Sunshine
Now, I believe we can’t ultimately own a person’s response to what we’re sharing in the world and how we’re sharing ourselves. At the same time, it felt like an invitation for me to share more. That’s when I started sharing more of my background and my insecurities. I mean, some of my background is that I lost my parents at 14. They were shot to death. They were murdered. I lost my brother to his heroin addiction. He ODed. I grew up with a profound shame around my sexuality, you know, being a gay kid. So, these were some of the things that I hadn’t been sharing on my page, and I started to share with more honesty and openness, and the whole energy around the page shifted in a really beautiful way.
I have a huge recovery audience. There’s many pages devoted to recovery and sobriety that follow my page and thank me for the work I do, and I think it’s in great part because I think the work I’m doing is a reminder to all to be hopeful. What we’re shown is that there’s always hope. If we’re living and breathing, it does not matter where you are in your life, how horrible, and dark, and hopeless your life looks, that’s not the reality. The reality is, here we are. It’s a new moment.
Every new moment, every second is a new moment, with new possibilities and new reasons to believe in yourself, and to believe that whatever you’ve gone through, that is of the past.
Here you are right now. What do you want to create for yourself in this moment? I think that so much of the path of recovery is really not just taking it a day at a time. It’s taking it a moment at a time, which is all we can ultimately all be doing in our lives.
I also think one of the reasons we numb, and escape, and turn to whatever addiction is calling to us, is in my experience, part of it is also not believing that we can handle the darkness that lives within us. That we can handle our pain. So, everyone around us is numbing and escaping in some way, rather than just being present in the harder, less comfortable parts of being human. Only when we allow ourselves to sit in that place, to sit in my grief, to sit in my anger, to sit in my blame, to sit in all of these other things that I like to numb myself from experiencing.
I believe the truth of who we are is rooted in a much deeper place, and that’s in big love – love, love, love, love, love. At the base note of everything is this deep peace and big love. It’s how we were born, before the years of conditioning was piled on us, and that’s the journey right now I feel for me. This is not about fixing who I am. It’s about peeling away all those layers of conditioning. All of those messages about who we’re supposed to be and how we’re supposed to be. Just remembering the truth of who we are. Which is this peaceful, loving, curious, creative being that is here to shine light on the world.
Keep listening to the complete podcast to hear everything Scott Stabile has to say about exploring Big Love and allowing feeling.
Special music thank you to the Kevin MacLeod Funkorama (incompetech.com)
Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 License